We’re fucked, aren’t we?

Brazil vs. Argentina

Maracanã, Rio De Janeiro, November 21, 2023

Kickoff: 7:30PM EST / 9:30 PM BRT / 12:30 AM GMT

US TV/Streaming: Fanatiz

Likely Starting Lineup: Alisson; Emerson Royal, Marquinhos, Gabriel Magalhães, Carlos Augusto; André, Bruno Guimarães; Martinelli, Gabriel Jesus, Rodrygo, Raphinha.

On The Bench: Lucas Perri, Bento, Renan Lodi, Bremer, Nino, Douglas Luiz, Joelinton, Raphael Veiga, Endrick, Paulinho, Pepê.

Notes And Storylines

Colombia vs. Brazil

Estadio Metropolitano, Barranquilla, Colombia, November 16, 2023

Kickoff: 7:00 PM EDT / 9:00 PM BRT / 12:00 AM GMT

US TV/Streaming: Fanatiz

Likely Starting Lineup: Alisson, Emerson Royal, Marquinhos, Gabriel Magalhães, Renan Lodi; André, Bruno Guimarães; Raphinha, Rodrygo, Vini Jr, Gabriel Martinelli.

On The Bench: Lucas Perri, Bento, Carlos Augusto, Bremer, Nino, Douglas Luiz, Joelinton, Raphael Veiga, Endrick, Paulinho, Pepê.

Notes and Storylines

Uruguay vs. Brazil

Estadio Centenario, Montevideo, Uruguay, October 17, 2023

Kickoff: 8:00 PM EDT / 9:00 PM BRT / 12:00 AM GMT

US TV/Streaming: Fanatiz

Likely Starting Lineup: Ederson, Yan Couto, Marquinhos, Gabriel Magalhães, Carlos Augusto; Casemiro, Bruno Guimarães, Neymar; Vini Jr, Rodrygo, Gabriel Jesus.

Bench: Alisson, Lucas Perri, Emerson Royal, Bremer, Adryelson, Guilherme Arana, André, Gerson, Raphael Veiga, David Neres, Richarlison, Matheus Cunha.

Notes and Storylines

Brazil vs. Venezuela

Arena Pantanal, Cuiabá, Mato Grosso, October 12, 2023

Kickoff: 8:30 PM EDT / 9:30 PM BRT / 12:30 AM GMT

US TV/Streaming: FuboTV, Universo/Telemundo

Likely Starting Lineup: Ederson, Danilo, Marquinhos, Gabriel Magalhães, Guilherme Arana; Casemiro, Bruno Guimarães, Neymar; Vini Jr, Rodrygo, Richarlison.

Bench: Alisson, Lucas Perri, Yan Couto, Bremer, Nino, Carlos Augusto, André, Gerson, Raphael Veiga, David Neres, Gabriel Jesus, Matheus Cunha.

Notes and Storylines

Peru vs. Brazil

Estadio Nacional del Perú, Lima, Peru, September 12, 2023

Kickoff: 10:00 PM EDT / 11:00 PM BRT / 2:00 AM GMT

US TV/Streaming: Fanatiz (pay-per-view)

Likely Starting Lineup: Ederson, Danilo, Marquinhos, Gabriel Magalhães, Renan Lodi; Casemiro, Bruno Guimarães, Neymar; Raphinha, Rodrygo, Richarlison.

Bench: Alisson, Lucas Perri, Vanderson, Roger Ibañez, Nino, Caio Henrique, André, Joelinton, Raphael Veiga, Gabriel Martinelli, Gabriel Jesus, Matheus Cunha.

Notes and Storylines:

Well, I said in my preview of Friday’s game against Bolivia that I hoped new coach Fernando Diniz would serve up some higher-tempo football than Tite routinely did, and I got my wish, along with a rollicking 5-1 win and Neymar finally breaking Pelé’s Seleção goals record. Sure, Tite’s Brazil also scored five goals in both of their home qualifiers against Bolivia, but Neymar missed a penalty in this one, so to paraphrase Jon Bois, it’s really more like six goals Fahrenheit.

The New Guy’s first test.

Brazil vs. Bolivia

Estádio Mangueirão, Belém, Pará, September 8, 2023

Kickoff: 8:45 PM EDT / 9:45 PM BRT / 12:45 AM GMT

US TV/Streaming: Telemundo/Univision (maybe??? who knows???)

Likely Starting Lineup: Ederson, Danilo, Marquinhos, Gabriel Magalhães, Renan Lodi; Casemiro, Bruno Guimarães, Neymar; Raphinha, Rodrygo, Richarlison.

Bench: Alisson, Lucas Perri, Vanderson, Roger Ibañez, Nino, Caio Henrique, André, Joelinton, Raphael Veiga, Gabriel Martinelli, Gabriel Jesus, Matheus Cunha.

Notes and Storylines:

Well, the waiting is over. It’s finally time to see what Fernando Diniz can do with the Seleção. Expectations are high, there’s a lot to be written, and, uh, I once again find myself without a lot of time to write.

So let’s focus on the big stuff. Bolivia at home is the easiest game of the World Cup qualifying cycle, which is probably a good thing. Diniz has many ideas and they’ll take a while to implement (he’s said he’ll be instilling them one at a time over the next few games), so starting out with a good result can buy him some momentum and goodwill.

This week, Neymar left Paris Saint-Germain for the Saudi club Al Hilal on a two-year deal. Reportedly, this contract will see him receive 160 million euros a year. Roll the clip:

I don’t think I need to spend much time explaining to you all how this is Very Bad for pretty much everybody except Neymar and his bank account. The sums of money involved—and the fact that his nine-figure salary makes Neymar only the third-best paid footballer in the world, because the Saudis have splashed so much cash that Kylian Mbappé is now the only European-based player among the top 10 best paid—portend a grim power shift for the global game, as Saudi Arabia looks to leverage its vast oil wealth to launder its human rights abuses and establish itself as a hub for tourism and business. It’s also obviously bad for Brazil’s national team: not only is the guy who’s still pretty undeniably our most gifted player going to be playing in a much less challenging environment, but his mere presence there is likely to help convince other Brazilian stars to leave Europe while still in their prime. (Fabinho and Roberto Firmino preceded Neymar in their moves to the kingdom, but both seem pretty well washed at the highest level anyway. But someone like Alisson?)

It’s also worth noting that by intervening in the civil war in Yemen and establishing land, sea, and air blockades into the country, Saudi Arabia has directly caused a famine that has killed hundreds of thousands of people. But who among us, right?

This is gonna be another short one. It’s real simple: after losing to France in the second group game, Brazil essentially must beat Jamaica to make it to the World Cup round of 16. (There is a scenario where Brazil makes it through with a draw, but this depends on Panama pulling off the greatest upset in World Cup history and beating France.) The good news for Brazil is that this should be very doable. We’ve won both of our previous encounters with Jamaica, including a 3-0 win in the group stage of the last World Cup, and while the transitive property doesn’t really apply in football, we won our group game against Panama far more comfortably than they did. That said, Jamaica only need a draw, and they opened their World Cup with exactly that against France.

If we make it through to the round of 16, perhaps the loss to France won’t have quite so dour repercussions as I thought it would. Colombia are in the driver’s seat to win Group E after their stunning win over Germany, and while they’d be a tough opponent in the round of 16, we have a far better historical record against them than the Germans. And hell, even if we end up facing Germany after all, they just keep piling up surprising losses and we beat them in April—they don’t look nearly as scary as they did just a few days ago.

We’re at the point now where every game could be Marta’s last in a World Cup. The queen herself says this game won’t be it. I just really want to see her score in a sixth straight World Cup.

Brazil vs. Jamaica

Melbourne Rectangular Stadium, Melbourne, Australia, August 2, 2023

Kickoff: 6:00 AM EDT / 7:00 AM BRT / 10:00 AM GMT

Possible Starting XI: Lelê; Tamires, Rafaelle, Lauren, Antonia; Adriana, Luana, Kerolin, Ary Borges; Debinha, Bia Zaneratto.

This is the moment of truth for this team.

Brazil started off the Women’s World Cup on the right foot, with a 4-0 stomping of Panama for the team’s biggest World Cup win since 2007, and Ary Borges marking her World Cup debut with the first Brazilian hat-trick in the competition since… okay, only since Cristiane in Brazil’s opening game four years ago. But the real cherry on top was her assist for Bia Zaneratto’s goal, which is sure to instantly go down as an all-time great Brazilian goal:

Say what you will about the heartbreaking way Brazil’s men’s World Cup campaign ended last year, and the way the women’s campaign could still very much end this year, we’ve been absolutely spoiled for stellar Brazilian World Cup goals in the past year. But now things get a lot harder.

Welp, I’m sorry once again. I did not leave myself the time to write a proper preview ahead of Brazil’s Women’s World Cup debut. But here’s a thread for those who’ll be watching tomorrow morning.

Brazil vs. Panama

Hindmarsh Stadium, Adelaide, Australia, July 24, 2023

Kickoff: 7:00 A EDT / 8:00 A BRT / 11:00 AM GMT

Possible Starting XI: Letícia; Antônia, Kathellen, Rafaelle, Tamires; Luana, Ary Borges, Kerolin, Adriana; Debinha, Geyse.