Any year in which Brazil beat Norway at skiing and Norway beat Brazil at football would be a strange one even before considering everything else that has also happened, both in the world of football and beyond, to make 2026 the let’s-put-it-diplomatically adventure it has been. I never got to watch Brazil play a World Cup game in person; I never even got tickets to any World Cup games in person. Instead I watched on TV and watched the prices go up and up and up and spent a portion—only a portion—of the probably fifteen hundred dollars I would have needed to actually go to one of Brazil’s games to go sit by a beach in Maine for a few days and eat as much lobster as I could stomach1 and still got back home in time to watch Brazil give up sixty-six percent possession and two late goals to Norway from the comfort of my local bar and the two hands into which I had buried my head by the end.
It was Brazil’s worst World Cup result in 36 years, by dint of the additional round of knockout games meaning the second knockout round, where Brazil have now been eliminated in five of six World Cups post-2002, was the round of 16 rather than the quarterfinals. It was probably the worst of those eliminations just based on the caliber of opponent who beat us; at least in years past we lost to France, the Netherlands, Germany—even Belgium and Croatia went on to finish third. (Even in our last round of 16 elimination, to Argentina in 1990, we lost to a team that made it to the final. Also, they drugged our players.) Norway lost, though in extra time, to England, reinforcing the notion that Brazil not only isn’t good enough, but continues to be in active decline. Nor did we achieve the scant comfort of the Seleção finally ridding itself of its post-2002 hex of losing to every European opponent it faces in the knockout rounds; this makes seven straight knockout-round losses to European teams. I thought for sure that Carlo Ancelotti, even with only a year to whip a historically weak and mismanaged team into shape, could at least manage some marker of clear improvement like that. Instead, his tenure (his contract was extended through 2030, for better or worse) already has the stench of failure coming off it.
I have been meaning to rewatch the game, and holding off on actually doing so. I know what I think right now: Ancelotti and Brazil, terrified of the damage Erling Haaland might cause, cravenly surrendered the initiative and run of the game to Norway in an attempt to contain Haaland and conceded two goals to him anyway. Or, with Brazil’s talent pool desperately short in key areas and only made more so by crucial injuries, Norway were able to exploit their major weaknesses. Or Ancelotti, knowing that Brazil would struggle to compete in the midfield, set up the team to just try and keep Norway and Haaland at arm’s length when defending and counterattack quickly and decisively, a strategy that, with slightly better execution, might have worked. Or that things were going fine until the questionable decision to bring in a barely-mobile Neymar for the last half-hour.
Alright, fuck it, enough stalling. It’s been a literal month. I’m finally rewatching the game.
[Two hours later]
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